Of Complaining, cribbing and cry offs

“Manasi you always cry off at the last moment. Last time your excuse was your unwell father in law and this time it is your son. Sweetie, your son is in university and can read prescriptions and take his medicines without your help.”

“Leave it Shonali, crib and complain as she may, unless she stands up for herself there is no way out.”

Me and my friends Shonali and Manasi again had to cancel our plan of meeting up for a couple of hours. As I disconnected the call, I could feel a bit of sympathy for poor Manasi. She needs our help instead of anger. But then why does it always have to be her to forgo or adjust about her office, get togethers, parties, visits to parents and even beauty parlour?

When shall women learn to prioritize their needs or even identify them?

Oh! It seems I am the one who is cribbing now.

Times have changed for the new generation. Or should I really believe so?

With the Gen z girls now filling up the office spaces we Gen X often feel that we missed a lot in life. Our financial independence was supposed to liberate us but apparently, we ended up being tied down even more with the double responsibilities of taking care of home and family along with the office duties. I see girls now unabashedly planning holidays with their friends without giving a thought to their ailing mother or mother in law. Or maybe they know better that it is not only for them to shoulder the burden of expectations. Yes, expectations and not responsibilities. Responsibilities can be shared fairly with family, friends and hired help. Support systems can be created with objectivity, but how do we deal with the expectations?

Now that women are really trying to break off the shackles of expectations another lopsided shift in balance of modern society is creeping in. Women who want to stay out late for work or parties may not be considered responsible. On the other hand, a man stepping out of the office to pick up his child from school is the very epitome of new wave masculinity. I often hear women my age complain about how their daughter in law does not cook or is seldom home for the weekend. Sometimes, I wonder are these complaints against the gender or the human.

We, the Gen X women were supposedly liberated yet expected to be responsible. The arrangement suited everyone. Working bahu to amp up the bank balance and an educated multitasker if the need be. In contrast the Gen z girls - whom we have raised - know very well how to put themselves first.

To be honest, I am very jealous of these girls. We paved their way to get them paid maternity and child care leaves, got the laws implemented against sexual harassment, gave them the gift of reservation in tech education, fought for their reservation in parliament, fought for dowry free marriages, and now all they want to do is live for themselves. Yes, the only word I can use to define my feelings is ‘jealous’ as ‘judgmental’ sounds offensive to my ears.

Ah! Have to go. Manasi is calling me. Poor girl, never learned to prioritize her needs.